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The Questions

By Rebecca Garth

written on 7-16 03

Ben Kokua absent-mindedly watched the various people walk pass his cubicle window during a quiet afternoon in the Five-0 offices. The quietness was so complete it allowed his mind to drift back to a Sunday when he found Janie Wilson, the Assistant District Attorney, working in her office. 

In spite of them both dating someone else it didn’t stop them from being good friends and spending a lot of their free time together..

A real surprise greeted him as he stopped in to say hi. At work Janie usually dressed very professionally. And whenever they played tennis or walked on the beach she always looked like a fashion magazine model - but today she was wearing a very loose fitting blouse and short shorts and the deepest red sunburn he had seen in a long time.

"Whoa," she hollered when they almost ran into each other. "Oh Ben! You scared me."

"I was just running in here to get a file I will need tomorrow in court. I didn’t think I would see anyone. That is some outfit and sunburn you have."

"Yes, I got it after riding horses today and I didn’t want anything to touch me."

Stifling the laugh that was threatening to burst through, he wondered if she had been wearing anything at all and what the horse might of thought about the pretty ride. But he didn’t ask anything, he just said, "Come on over to the apartment and I’ll get some Aloe Vera for you."

The next day in court when she called Detective Bobby Koen to the stand, he knew whom she had been riding with that day. The detective’s sunburn explained why she had stayed in the bright sun longer than she usually did.

"Oh my," thought Ben. "Why did I remember that now?"

"What, did you say something?" Danny Williams asked.

"Oh, I was just remembering something that happened a long time ago before Janie and I got married."

It wasn’t very long before Janie and he discovered they were very much in love with each other and got married. That was four years ago and they had been totally happy until about a year ago when she fell seriously ill while she was pregnant which resulted in a hysterectomy and losing the twins. All of this had thrown her into a deep depression.

It took months before he discovered the real reason behind her losing interest with life. Danny and he had found her crying over the twins’ grave. That was when she told him she thought Ben blamed her for their deaths. He assured her that he didn’t. This, coupled with his love and support, brought her out of her deep depression and returned them to their normal life. But now this...

"Danny, you remember when the twins died that we packed up all their clothing, the cribs and everything thing else for the babies and sent it to my cousins who were having twin boys about the same time?" Ben said as he told Danny about the new problem.

"Sure I remember. We thought as soon as we could get the nursery back to an office again the faster Janie’s recovery would be"

"Well, we have talked to my cousin Ned and his wife Lynn on the phone but I haven’t taken Janie to see them. I thought the sight of their two healthy boys might push Janie over the edge again. But now…" Ben got up and walked across the room rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "Now they are coming to my mom and dad’s place tomorrow for a family get together. I am so afraid of Janie seeing them with their babies that the realization of ours not being with us will…well you know."

"Yes, I know what you mean, but Ben, you can’t keep them apart forever. If Janie thinks it is okay, maybe it is."

But…what if it isn’t? You remember how it was before." Suddenly Ben realized he was yelling. "I’m sorry Danny. I am just so uptight about this."

Danny gave him a knowing smile as he put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. He knew that it had been a very difficult time for Ben and his wife.

"I thought I had a solution. I told Janie that I couldn’t go because Steve wanted this report on his desk by Monday morning and it would take me all Saturday and Sunday to get it together. But she is so excited about seeing everyone. She told me she would go alone and that I could join her later. JOIN HER LATER! Can you believe that? Now I guess I’ll have to tell her that everyone helped with the report and that I gave it to Steve tonight so that I can go with her."

"Is there anything I can do?" Danny asked.

"Pray all night that everything goes ok," Ben laughingly suggested.

*****

Janie was so excited Ben finished the report early so he could go with her. She wondered why this report should take longer than the usual ones he did. Maybe it was something Steve couldn’t wait for and she knew Ben always wanted things done right.

She loved the way he bragged about being the Kokua Champ of the yard game Bounce. Whenever the men got together, Ben would always brag about having moves no one else knew about. She knew about some of his moves but they had nothing to do with Bounce.

Earlier that morning she gave him the shirt she had ordered. It was lime green with the words BOUNCE CHAMP written across the back in black. She loved how he looked in it and was so thankful that he was her husband. Ben loved the shirt and spent the next 30 minutes telling her about the plays that no one else knew about and how the other men looked up to him "to teach them how." They both laughed and laughed.

When the story went on for so long, Janie wondered if he was stalling for time. But she pushed that idea out of her mind. She knew Ben loved being with his brother and his cousins and that she had learned to love them too since she married Ben.

When they finally reached his mother’s house, his nephew, Jason, came running out to meet them.

"Hey Ben, I thought you would never get here. We have Bounce all set up and we are waiting on you," Jason yelled as Ben swept him up and put him on his back to carry him in.

Janie noticed that Ben’s eyes always lit up when he saw his young nephew. She was thankful God had blessed them with a loving nephew since it wasn’t in God’s plans for them to have any children of their own.

Janie seemed fine as they said hello. Thinking she was okay, Ben went out to play Bounce. Of course, everyone teased him about his shirt and asked if he was going to take it off and go shirtless when he lost the title.

After bragging that there was no way he would lose the title of Champ, Ben got ready to make one of his Kokua patented moves. That’s when Jason came running out the door and grabbed Ben’s arm making the ball go across the grass

"BEN, YOU have got to come quick," Jason shouted. "HURRY! Little Ned is asking Janie all sorts of questions about the babies that died and I know she is going to start crying any minute."

Frozen to the ground, Ben belittled himself at allowing her to be alone. He followed his brother, Roy and Ned as they all ran inside.

Janie was in the bedroom with Lynn and little Ned. She was sitting on the bed looking at Little Ned when they got to the room.

"LYNN!" Ned yelled as he grabbed the arm of little Ned, pulling him away from Janie. "Lynn, I told you not to let him be alone with Janie. You know the questions he asks!!!!!!!"

Lynn was coming out of the bathroom where she had been washing the hands of the twins.

"Wait, what is going on?????" Janie said as she grabbed for his other arm and drew him close to her. But one look at Ben's face and she knew something was terribly wrong.

"Janie, I told Ben to hurry in here. That he was asking questions that would make you cry and you know how sad you were after the babies died." Jason tried to say. "You remember don’t you? Ben thought you were going crazy and we thought we would never get together as a family again because we thought seeing Ned’s boys would make you remember how much you miss your own babies." Jason, in a few sentences, blurted everything out in an honesty that only a child could.

Oh, now I see." Janie thought about the unfinished the report that could not wait and the long story she had listened to that morning. She reached up to tenderly touch Ben’s face and thought of how much she loved him and how blessed she was to have a husband who thought about her grief before he thought of his own.

"Oh my let me explain," she said. "Oh Ben I love you so much but what Little Ned was asking didn’t bother me.

"He was asking about the babies in a way that 4 years old thinks. He asked me, ‘Where did they sleep since we had sent all the cradles and cribs to them?’

"And I told him, ‘I guess on a cloud.’

"Then he asked, ‘Who gets up at night to give them a bottle when they cry?’ and I told him ‘I think the angels do.’

"He also asked me if we missed them and I told him yes, everyday. We missed them but we are so blessed with family and especially the joy of being around him and I told Jason that it doesn’t hurt like it did before.

"In fact, to tell the truth," she said as she looked deep into his eyes, "It makes me feel good knowing that there are angels are getting up and feeding our babies. I really hadn’t thought about it before now."

Ben took her lovingly into his arms. He only knew that he had loved her since, well who knows, maybe from the time he saw her when she was so badly sunburned. But he was confident now that he loved her even more then he could put into words.

"Hey Champ, I think you better get back to the game and let me and Lynn talk about what it is like being married to a Kokua Champ or want-to-be-Champ," Janie laughed.

Ben hugged her again.

"I am just fine Ben. Please enjoy your day with your family," Janie said softly into his ear.

Ben replied, "Just wait until I get you home."

Janie teasingly replied, "That is what I am counting on Champ," as she kiddingly bit his ear. She knew in her heart he was Champ for more than one reason.

Pau

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